05/23/2005 { my danny went over the roster; my danny went over the sea. }

Holy damn. And he was All Star last season, too.

What with the scarcity of closers currently on the ground, here's to hoping that some super-gullible bullpen or something will pick him up. I promise you: he may have lost three miles off his fastball and is thus only throwing 87-89, but whatever he lacks in an ability get people out, he more than makes up for it in sheer, heartaching baseball player sweetness. If your team is out of contention but does not yet know that it is out of contention, well, he is the perfect way to blow seven or eight million. I guarantee that you will fall in love with him.

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We interrupt this period of silence to bring you one the funniest goddamn websites that has ever, ever, ever been made: Yard Work.

Pointed out on Baseball Primer on that same wonderful thread that brought me news that Jim Kruk asked, on-air, why a team would play an obviously injured pitcher like Jim Mecir who limps in from the bull-pen, I now point you to a website so full of wroth and rage and general hilarity that I woke my father from a dead sleep at 2:16 AM in the morning because I was laughing so hard.

Highlights include: the Jim Tracy one, this Curt Schilling one, and yeah, this Curt Schilling one too, and oh God, oh God, the Jim Thome posts (1, 2, 3) And the genius of titling a George Will column Triumph of the ahahaha Will? So great on so, so many corny levels.

Really. I cannot understand most of the TV personality ones because I watch no commentary TV and watch non-A's-broadcast baseball games with the sound turned off, but go. Read.

PS: The Danny Graves and Eric Milton posts hurt me, but in a way that results in choking and almost-tears. Have you ever heard an interview with a Cincinnati Red? There are, indeed, exactly as that blog puts them, but with fewer two syllable words and more sixty word sentences that make no sense.  There is something in the cooler in Cincy that makes them very nice -- stupid as anything, but incredibly, ridiculously nice.

mood: screw you, giambi HATAZ.



04/15/2005 { baseball blather }

Reason #84783 the Reds are the greatest team ever: Popup to the Reds dugout by first base. Sean Casey runs over to try to catch it, and catcher Jason LaRue is running after it too. Sean Casey bumps up against the dugout fence and leans far, far over it in a futile attempt to snag the ball. LaRue has his eyes fixed on the ball too, and he only belatedly realizes that Casey is going to tip over. He can only kinda make a swipe at the back of Casey's leg, and Casey falls over the dugout fence --

-- smack in the middle of a pile of Reds players, who are all too being o_o and hiding from the ricocheting ball to do anything for Casey or even really notice Casey. Some of them, in fact, conveniently step aside so that Casey has more room to tumble ass after teakettle down the dugout steps. Oh, Reds.


Is there anything greater than baseball? Outside my window, there's a boy wearing red high-socks and, possibly, a Yankees cap playing catch. (It actually be a Yankees Hater cap; I can't tell.)

On MLB.TV, I'm alternately watching Roy Oswalt 0wnz0r the Reds and watching Gavin Floyd throw the prettiest little curves you've ever seen. Sure, Gavin has even less of an idea where his curves are going than Barry Zito does, and sure, the Philly fans are so utterly annoying -- it's the guy's first outing after his season debut, where he pulled a Roy Oswalt-esque 0wnz0ring of the St. Louis Cardinals, holding them to three hits and one run over seven innings. We're in the middle of the first, and the bastards in the stands are already complaining. And now, the camera is showing Andy Pettitte playing with his fleabitten excuse of a fu manchu mustache that looks like nothing so much as a particularly violent longterm allergic reaction.

You think I'm exaggerating because I hate the man for breaking my heart, but it's really, really awful. Even ghostrunner, Pettitte apologist extraordinaire, was telling him to shave it off a few days ago. It's made worse by the fact that Pettitte keeps reaching up and rubbing it as if that's going to make it grow faster -- and now poor Floyd has given four runs in an inning and a bit. And Roy Oswalt, could you please stop striking out my team? Jason LaRue laid off THREE PITCHES of yours in a row, for Chrissake. Jason LaRue!

Still, though. Baseball. Full stomach. The Astros announcers are talking smack about Roy Oswalt's slow-as-molasses way of talking (Announcer 1: Coming up, a rapid-fire Q&A with Roy Owalt. Announcer 2: . . . is it possible to have a rapid-fire Q&A with Roy Oswalt)

Baseball is good to me.



04/08/2005 { both him and tim, they left their control back in oakland. }

Mark Mulder is, contrary to popular belief, a true Petitian love. Doing well in baseball tends to earn you a powerful case of the lusts from me, but doing supernaturally craptacularly wins you (congratulations!) true eternal wrenching soul-deep love. Witness: my love for Brook Fordyce and Aaron Boone. Mulder so totally joined the club in the latter half of 2005, but really, I'd been hoping that he'd move back into the first category. It'd be nice to see him do well; he's not destined to be a career, long-term love affair of mine , right?

Through two innings of the Cards home opener, which Mulder is pitching today: 41 pitches, 25 strikes, 16 balls.

Cards Announcer: "One thing I've noticed is that he doesn't have very good command of his pitches. Don't think, though, that we went out and got a guy who can't pitch. He's just not hitting his spots today."

It should also be noted that Mulder has, apparently, lost a good chunk of weight this last offseason. Gone is the wee baby double-chin he sported through lsat year, and he's got that hollow-cheek'd look he sported when he was a wee rookie. Most of the burgeoning ass that kibosh spotted last season is gone too, but it's hard to tell because of the glare.

ETA: Top of the fourth, no outs. Mulder is pitching to Lidle, the Phillies pitcher with respect. Pain. He does manage to retire Lidle and, after that, the 1st and 2nd hitters cleanly, though, but man. I benched Bobby Abreu out of respect for you, Mark. :| Please get your shit together.

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Because it's 2:21 AM and my better judgment has fled me, here, take a look at this, which is quite possibly one of the greatest pieces of baseball journalism that I've seen recently. I expect it to be all over your f-list this morning, and I'm posting it anyway because it's just that awesome. Sure, it's not that well-written. Sure, it doens't reveal anything that you don't know if you've been paying attention to what A-Rod actually says as opposed to the gloss on what's supposed to be A-Rod's "shiny media image," but it's nothing short of amazing the sort of on-the-record quotes that Rosenthal got out of people.

True, A-Rod may be an ass, and the hatred against him may have reached boiling pitch, but I just want to make clear how hard it is to get baseball players to talk and how rare an article like this is, and man. I had previously thought that Michael Young was physically incapable of expressing a negative sentiment anything. The boy would have positive statements to make about the bubonic plague -- "community strengthener," "major life experience" -- and there he is, the only Ranger that A-Rod invited to his wedding, awkwardly saying something to the effect of, "Um, yeah. Stuff did get better. We became much more focused on winning. XD."

And there Rosenthal is, talking about the nicknames that Rangers players had for A-Rod and reporting about dugout chatter. This is his leading anecdote:

Alex Rodriguez scores on Hideki Matsui's bases-loaded double, and Gary Sheffield follows him down the third base line, ready to give the Yankees a 5-0 lead in Game 1 of the American League Championship Series.

"Run him over! Run him over!" Rodriguez yells at Sheffield, imploring him to barrel through Red Sox catcher Jason Varitek.

Sheffield scores, and Varitek turns to Rodriguez. "You would never do it," Varitek replies sneeringly.
The only word for this is AMAZING. Amazing on both a "wow, A-Rod is a turd" and a "wow, I can't believe Rosenthal not only got the OTR sources for this but also had the balls to write it." :D I've respected Rosenthal before for some of his reporting of the inside workings of trades and the sort of contacts he must have and how he's, really, the successor to Gammon, but my <3 of him has just shot up a level. Think of me and my love of tabloidicity what you will, but wow oh wow. Alex Rodriguez, you have been served.

(Link for this from the greatest A-Rod hater I know, ghostrunner, who got it someplace else.)

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